Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
