my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
