Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
