Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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