i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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