STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
