my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
