hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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