So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
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Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
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Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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