He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
