my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
