Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
