he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
