My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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