Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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