capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
