Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
