If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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