Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
