shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
