Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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