She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My ass is underappreciated
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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