dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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