At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
