it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
