she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
