i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
