Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
