I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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