my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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