As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
