I love black thongs
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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