Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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