Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
