Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
