Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
