Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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