Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
