No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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