i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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