I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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