3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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