my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize