Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You were trust falling into bushes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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