I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
