sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize