So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
this hospital has no fireball
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
