Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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