Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
