You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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