If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
