Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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