Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
