i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
