He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
