I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
