Buhtt sex?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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