Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
