I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I want to be your penis for a week.
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You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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