we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I love you. Go after that dick
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
