I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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