You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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