Already got asked if we're dating
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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