that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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