Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
