Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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