Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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