Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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