I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
