I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
