apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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