D3 body, D1 cock
Me too!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
