drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
