He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
