So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize