You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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