Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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