He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
