laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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