My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
